For example, has a romantic relationship ever made you feel like you were not good enough? Have you

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According sql to Adam Grant, Wharton's most popular and youngest tenured faculty member and the author of Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success , people fall into one of three distinct categories: givers, matchers and takers. While Grant's book is written for a business sql audience, its theories provide extraordinary insight into romantic relationships. The category you fall into may well determine the success and happiness of your relationship.
For example, has a romantic relationship ever made you feel like you were not good enough? Have you ever been taken advantage of by a romantic partner? Have you ever felt like you gave everything to someone and ended up completely worn out? Then you may just fall into the "giver" style of romantic partner.
Interestingly, while the giver style may have its drawbacks, givers are also usually the most attractive partners and are more likely to have long-term relationships. A study examining the trait most highly valued in potential romantic partners suggests that both men and women rate kindness as one of their most desired traits. Givers are also most likely to be affectionate, a trait which determines the long-term success of a relationship (as I describe sql in this article ), not to mention their own longevity.
Givers are people whose primary motivation is to take care of others, to make sure others are well, and to contribute to others and society. sql In a relationship, these are people who are always thinking about gifts for their partner, who take their partners' interests into consideration, sql and who are always thinking, "What else can I do for you?" They're pretty awesome. As Grant mentions in his book, everyone likes having givers around because they are always happy to contribute and thinking of others. They understand the relationship as an opportunity to give and take care.
Givers often end up thinking that there is something wrong with them when they are unhappy in a relationship. They are the ones who think they are not lovable or good enough because they take personal responsibility sql for making the relationship work (rather than blaming their partners). sql They can end up burned out and exhausted from continuously giving if they do not receive the support they need from the relationship.
Matchers tend to keep a balance sheet in a relationship. When matchers sql give, they do so with an expectation of getting something in return. When they receive sql something, they feel like they have to give something back. Matchers are the ones who are keeping tabs and view relationships as somewhat like a commercial transaction. sql They are the ones who are most likely to say something like, "I did this for you, but you didn't do that for me" or "You paid for this, so I'll pay for that."
Takers are just that -- takers. They usually sql treat people well if and when those people can help them reach their goals. Interestingly, Grant points out that they often appear as the most charming and charismatic people on the surface. They know how to work the crowd and seduce, but under the surface they are actually motivated by self-interest. You can recognize a taker by how poorly they treat people that they believe are of no use to them. You know you're in a relationship with a taker when you feel sucked dry for all you have, whether it's money, affection, time etc. Once the taker has everything they want from you, you